i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
