I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
