Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
