imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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