TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
