He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
