i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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