im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
