I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
