dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
