He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
