Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
