Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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