Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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