So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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