I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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