THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
