I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
