North Korea, Best Korea!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
