Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
