I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My balls are so social today.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
