Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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