Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
