I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
