I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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