you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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