i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Did I show you my penis last night?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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