hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
