is this the sara with the beer cane?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
