we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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