Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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