By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dick very happy bro
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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