Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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