please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
