What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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