just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
