sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
