He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
