i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
