Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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