The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
