Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
