You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
