I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
one might say we're banned from that church
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
