I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
