She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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