i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Randomize
