Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
