There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
