I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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