Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
