how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
