I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
