break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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