I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
